Laughter
by Thy Rare Port
Summary: All Draco wanted to do was make an announcement in the Great Hall. That was it. Why doesn't anything ever go how he planned? Info: oneshot, slash, HPDM


Disclamer:  
Dearie, if I owned all this, the movies would be _exactly_ like the books, no matter how many hours that made them. So it's pretty safe to assume it's not mine...

Warnings:  
- slash (though that's usually a good thing, not something to be warned against)  
- Ron-bashing...if you squint and turn your head a bit to the left  
- extreme overuse of itaaaaaaaaaalics!  
- don't take candy from strangers

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Draco Malfoy rose from his seat at the Slytherin table, looking as if he expected everyone to notice and immediately shut up. Scowling when they didn't, he raised his wand and shot sparks toward the ceiling of the Great Hall with a bang. Several Hufflepuffs shrieked in surprise, and a few fell off their chairs. Moving to stand atop his seat while glancing disdainfully at the Hufflepuffs, Draco looked out at his stunned audience.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he began, "Puffles, bookworms, and Gryffindorks, now that I _finally_ have your attention, I have an announcement to make. However, as it has been atrociously obvious for the last five years, anyone unobservant enough to not have known until this moment is encouraged to realize that he or she is a blundering imbecile—don't you _dare_ roll your eyes at me, Finnigan, or I shall be forced to curse your smarmy Irish arse to next Thursday! And you _know_ I would enjoy it, too. Now, this announcement involves your _lovely_ little Golden Boy, Potter."

Eyes flicked to Harry, who looked just as shocked as the rest of them, before returning to the Slytherin.

Harry had always felt that staring at the ceiling helped him think. He wasn't really sure why it worked, but it sort of seemed like all that space between himself and the ceiling—especially here in the Great Hall, where the ceiling never really even seemed to be there, anyway—could be filled with his thoughts. So now, confused and worried about whatever it was Malfoy had to say, Harry found himself gazing up at the false night-sky above.

Had he done anything stupid lately that Malfoy might have discovered and felt the need to tell everyone? No, of course not, he decided; it was only the first week of their sixth year! Although… Malfoy's father being the bloody Death Eater he was, Malfoy was _bound_ to know what Voldemort was planning, which would inevitably involve Harry, just as Malfoy'd said the announcement did…but why would Malfoy give away their plans? That wouldn't make sense either… Deciding that Malfoy must have made something up, Harry stopped frowning confusedly at the ceiling and looked back at Malfoy, who was just finishing berating the Hufflepuffs for talking amongst themselves.

"This may shock you, but I assure you it is true," Draco smirked.

Harry moaned, thinking that Malfoy smirking was _never_ a good sign. What the _hell_ was this "true" announcement about? That Harry'd taken the filthy Dark Mark, or was in love with McGonagall, or something?! No, _no one_ in their right mind would believe that. But whatever it was, it would have to be bad. People would whisper about him in the halls, shooting him scared glances when they thought he wasn't looking… Again. And he'd only _just_ managed to convince them all that Voldemort was back, and now this! Couldn't he have a _bit_ more a break? He sighed, figuring he might as well brace himself for whatever scandal he'd supposedly committed this time.

"Harry Potter…" Malfoy spat out.

Oh, here it comes! Harry's hands were gripping the table so tightly his knuckles were white.

"…is…"

Harry was practically shaking from the effort it took, but he managed not to fling every single curse he could think of in Malfoy's direction, or scream at everyone that whatever it was wasn't true, or even storm out of the Hall. He thought he was handling it quite well, considering.

"…gay."

The Hall was in uproar. Muttering, excited and otherwise, broke out simultaneously. Girls groaned, some bursting into tears, while boys whooped and turned to give Harry appraising looks.

At first, Harry didn't realize what Malfoy said and was merely confused at the noise and the gawking. True, he had been expecting odd looks, but _this_ was a bit much. They weren't even waiting for when he wasn't paying attention, like they usually did! These looks were different though, somehow. These glances weren't scared or angry; they were almost…amorous… Harry's confused look changed to one of complete bafflement as it sunk in. "_What?!_" breathed Harry, his voice quickly swallowed by the crowd. An expression of relief soon replaced bafflement. This wasn't bad; it wasn't scandalous at _all_! It was actually even true, though no one knew that—he'd decided a while ago that the _Prophet_ didn't need more of a push to speculate on his love life.

Then he frowned. Why should Malfoy tell the school something that was both true _and_ not embarrassing? There must be more to it, he realized. Otherwise, the likelihood of Malfoy saying all this was as likely as…as…as him and Malfoy getting married! Not like the thought bothered Harry as much as it would have in past years. Malfoy was only about, say, three-quarters as unbearably annoying as he used to be, and he'd become bloody _gorgeous_ since he stopped slicking his hair back with astronomical amounts of gel. It was just that the thought of a Malfoy that was both gay and able to go within five meters of a Gryffindor without starting a fight was absolutely ludicrous.

He chuckled, glancing around, and then laughed outright at the _disgusting_ way Colin Creevey was ogling him. He laughed because someone had said something true about him without a shred of proof, while the _Prophet_ always managed to come to the wrong conclusion even when the truth was right under their noses. He laughed at the way the amorous looks changed to confused looks. He laughed at the expression on Malfoy's face—his laughter had been so disconcerting that the Slytherin had let his guard down. And ohhh, a Malfoy without his aristocratic mask was a _cute_ Malfoy. He then laughed at the way his body was responding to his archrival. Hmm, maybe something _could_ happen there. But, oh, the irony…

"I think he's finally lost it, Pans…" Blaise muttered to an emphatically nodding Pansy.

"You're laughing, mate…"

Oh _really_, Ron? Thanks _so_ much for pointing that out! Harry was now laughing so loudly that the rest of the hall had quieted and was simply staring at him.

"Does this mean you're, you know, not gay? I mean, it wouldn't matter to me either way, but you're kind of confusing me…"

Ron did indeed have a 'kind of confused' look on his face, Harry noticed as he looked over. Harry was laughing too hard by this point to answer, so he just shook his head. Harry's head shake meant 'don't ask me things: I'm laughing too hard to answer,' but Ron and everyone else took it to mean 'no, I'm not gay.' Hermione glared at Malfoy accusingly.

"But-but-but—" Malfoy stammered.

This got the whole hall—albeit the teachers—laughing, because eloquent, proper, aristocratic Draco Malfoy did _not_ stammer. Draco scowled, closed his eyes, and, in a tone that managed to project throughout the large, boisterous room, drawled, "Alright, Potter, if you're not gay, why did I hear your voice moaning from Goyle's four-poster all last night?"

That shut everyone up, even Harry. Draco smirked. Lavender Brown was the first to break the silence.

"Ewww! Nasty, vile, disgusting, gross, ewwwwww!"

Hermione, with a small smile, spoke slowly over Lavender's long, droning 'eww.' "Judging by the appalled look on Harry's face, Crabbe's blush, and the fact that only your two cronies would be stupid enough to forget a silencing charm, I don't think it was _Harry_'s voice you heard, ferret."

"Yeah, like Harrikins would ever shag a Slytherin!" called Seamus, his arms wrapped around Harry. Harry, who had been so distraught at the thought of himself and Goyle, hadn't noticed Seamus until he'd said something and was now doing his best to escape the boy's grip.

At this point, Professor McGonagall stood up and glared about at the students. "That's quite enough! I think it is about time for you all to get to class, so _do_ so, if you please!" she scolded, nostrils flared.

This was met with many grumblings and a great shuffling of chairs as the students left, none of them entirely sure what had happened or who was gay and who wasn't.

-------

"Well, that was…something, wasn't it?" remarked Blaise as they strolled down the corridor. "I've never seen Potter like that, and Dray, you should have _seen_ your face when…he…" He trailed off when he saw Draco's murderous gaze. "I mean—you guys ready for Charms? Personally, I'm wishing I'd nicked an essay from a different Ravenclaw chit, because I'd swear this one writes as poorly as Crabbe, if that were possible."

Draco stopped, a pained look on his face. "_Fuck_, the essay… I suppose I'll meet you there; I forgot it in the dorm." He turned away, grumbling. Fuming over what had happened at breakfast, he hardly noticed his surroundings as he made his way toward the Slytherin common room until a voice drew him from his angry musings.

"Malfoy."

He knew this voice; he didn't need to look up to know who it was and definitely didn't want to. "Potter," Malfoy returned and kept walking.

"What exactly were you trying to accomplish? Were you expecting them to be appalled and shun me?"

Malfoy nodded—barely—still trying to pay the Gryffindor as little heed as possible.

"Didn't work, did it? You should have done your research better, you know. They didn't care in the slightest. Oh, I almost forgot!" Harry smiled an evil little smile, looking, not as if he'd just remembered something, but as if this next part of the conversation was the reason he was alive. "Twenty points from Slytherin for disrupting breakfast, and another ten for not even having correct information."

His gaze again murderous, Draco shrieked as he turned around, "You can't do that to me!" Surprised as he was to see Potter less than a foot away—he hadn't even known he was following!—he was able to maintain his angry stare.

"Head Boy, remember?" reminded Harry with a smirk that could rival one of Draco's best. Harry's tone changed and he continued huskily, "Besides, I think you'll find I can do a great deal to you…"

The next thing Draco knew, he was against a wall and both his hands were trapped above his head by one of Harry's. Harry's mouth was on his, tongue demanding entrance, hands gripping the blonde's hair. Draco felt Harry's hips grind against his as their tongues battled for dominance and couldn't hold back a low, guttural moan at the feeling.

Harry broke the kiss and chuckled. "Seems you're not so straight yourself, Malfoy," he murmured, still caressing Draco's hair. He stepped back and surveyed the blonde. "Why, Draco, you look thoroughly snogged!" Harry said in mock surprise as he strode away.

Draco watched the boy's receding back, trying to get a grip on what had just happened—Potter had kissed him? _Kissed_ him? And…and he was pretty sure he'd kissed back. And enjoyed it. And then…then Potter had called him by his first name? What was the world coming to?!—and stuttered out, "Wha-wha-wha—?"

"Stop stammering, Malfoy. It doesn't become you," Harry called back over his shoulder as he walked to class, quietly laughing to himself.

_fin_

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So, whaddya think? 'Twas my first fan-fic, so I'm reeeeeeeally curious... 'Course, I'm not begging for reviews, since we all know how annoying that gets. Still though! Reviews would be nice...  
[/rants&almostbegging


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